I was recently told of a conversation held between two people who I hold near to my heart. It was a conversation never ment to make it's ways to my ears, but it somehow slinked its way to me through the viny entanglment of students, teachers, and other paracites of out school to me. The Conversation was of nothing more than me being repeditive and somewhat controlling, but the people who shared the conversation shocked me. One, because I thought he loved me and the other, because I thought she never wanted to speak to him again.
It was an odd feeling, being told that I was worth being talked about. I was excited, yet disturbed at the same time and that was the most horrifying thing about the entire experience. It only leads to more questions that will never be answerd to my satisfaciton...
I feel my body and my mind splitting inside of me; like an enternal battle, that will carry on for centuries, with neither sides giving up their tight grasp on me. I want more than anything for my head to win. I want it to stand tryumphetly on the slain body of my broken shell as I smile and wave to the on lookers of Women, Children, and even Men. "Yes!" I'll scream, as if it were a major battle. "I've won"
This conflict inside of me, is almost like the one of life vs. reality. Who do we want to win? Who knows?
This battle...it is reprentative of my feelings. Do I believe my heart and say that someone was just angry for some forgotten reason, or do I think about it and realize that something might actualy be over. If that is the case, then I will accept defeat and I will pretend that it was only a matter of time.
The point is, is that I was recently hurt about a conversation held between two people that I hold near to my heart. The conversation ment nothing. The words can be forgivin, but I wonder if the stain can be lifted. Can I forget that it happend? Can I learn to move on from it and not let it affect me?
Who knows.
