old habbits

old habbits from the past ar bound to come back. i mess it up, becuase i am afraid, and then when i mess it up, i get depressed. I fall into a never ending cycle. I cut becuase i am sad, and i am sad becuse i cut, and then i think about why i was orriginally sad, and i get suicidle.

And i know that things have to be different this time. he won't let me fuck it up. i know that. it's just the fear of me doing it, and regretting it every momment of every day..

so my old habbits, are still old habbits. I'm just oping for some new ones